Uh... Its The Story Of My Life... DUH! [entries|friends|calendar] Ask Me Again And I'll Tell You The Same [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

I'm Still Alive! [16 Jun 2005|04:06am] [ mood | awake ] Well I just wanted to say hi to everybody and that i'll update about my rollercoster life real soon. I really have a hell of a lot to talk about. So I guess i'll talk to you guys soon, probably later today. Laterz! post comment

[14 Feb 2005|03:15pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | Bonnie Tyler- Total Eclipse Of The Heart ] WHATEVER! post comment

[05 Feb 2005|02:14am] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | Madonna- Frozen ] So many thoughts, so many questions and no answers! My mind is going 100mph if not faster and its getting all tangled up. Tonight is one of those nights were I wish I could go back in time and undo everything that has ever happened to me since the first day I ever met Roland! That would change everything and make things so much better. AHHHHH!!!!!!!! post comment

[03 Feb 2005|12:35pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | Papa Roach- Getting Away With Murder ] Alright ne body who is ne body knows that I HATE when a guy disappears and doesn't call for days at a time simply cuz thats what Roland use to do to me all the time. I ABSOLUTLY HATE IT! I make sure and tell this to the "guy" so they know and yet they do it ne way. I don't get, not at all! ¿:/? Off that topic, I don't think i'm confused ne more. I wasn't being fair to myself and I wasn't being fair to Travis or David. Well actually David is the one who kind of helped me make my decision. They are both really GREAT guys but unfortunally i can only have one. My mind is pretty much made up but their is still that little bit of doubt. Oh well my decision now doesn't exactly mean its forever, right? Both David and I decided that whatever happened from both sides of our confusion we would still remain friends. I still really want to be his friend, and I hope he wants to be mine too. He knows that I will still be here for him if he ever wants to hang out or just talk. I am always willing to listen. I hung out with Travis last night and the things he said made it, made us seem so right. I know they were just words, but I really think me and Travis will actually work. I want to try to make them work. Hopefully things turn out good for everybody. Well Monique I took your advice, THANK YOU! <3 post comment

[31 Jan 2005|11:26pm] [ mood | pensive ] [ music | Flaw- Wait For Me ] WOW, its been a year since I had started talking to Roland again. Time flew by so fast. It almost seems like it wasn't real. Sometimes I wish it wasn't real. I remember every moment that I spent with him, but the two I remember so clearly are January 12th, when I first saw him again when I came back from Mexico and October 1st, the day he slipped away, the day I realized nothing would be the same. There are so many things I wish I had said that I didn't and should have. I'm not over him, I'll never forget him nor do I want to, but for the better sake of myself i've moved on. Regardless of what people say or think he was a wonderful person and I loved him. I obviously didn't know him as well as I thought I did, but I sure as hell knew him a lot more than other people ever will. He tought me a lot and for that I thank him. He actually did a lot for me whether people see it or not. He had his moments as everybody does, but even after everything that has happened I wouldn't of traded him or what we had for a thing in this world. I am glad to of had him in my life even if he was just passing by. He changed my life completly, he made me into a different person and for the most part its a good thing. I miss the hell out of him like crazy and I know I shouldn't but I do. Just like I have every right and motive to hate him, I don't. I never will. I don't hold a thing against him, I could never force myself to hate him simply because of the love I had/have for him was grand. I wish him the best of luck in everything and anything he does in life. I hope it goes absolutly great for him. The one thing that keeps me up sometimes at night, the one thing I wish for, the one thing I pray about is for him not to forget me. It actually scares me and makes me extremly sad to think that he might forget me completly. Thats the one thing I don't want him to ever do. He was the greatest thing that could have ever happened to me and I don't regret a single second of the time I spent with him. WOW, a whole year already. It seems like it was just yesterday that I first saw him again for the first time since I had come back from Mexico. I guess they weren't kidding when they say time flies when your happy and having fun. But I guess it wasn't the end of the world when he left. I'm still alive and doing great. This time it didn't get the best of me, I survived. LOL! Now that that chapter in life is over I wonder how the next one will be................ to be continued! Well today was like any normal day. I woke up, ate, went back to bed, woke up again, got ready for work, went to work, got out at 8:30 and then I hung out with Travis. I had fun, I hadn't hung out with him in a while. It was kind of wierd though on my part just cuz of the whole me likeing David thing. Just when I think I got things figured out something/someone confuses me all over again. I don't know whats going to happen, but I wish it would hurry up and happen. I hate being confused and me being confused isn't fair for either one of them. AHHHH!!!! WHAT DO I DO???? Well I guess thats it for now. T2ULATERZ! FIN-E-TOE!!!! post comment

[25 Jan 2005|12:16am] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | The Killers- Somebody Told Me ] OMG! David is awesome in every way possible. I like him A LOT! Question is now what to I do with Travis? I still kind of like him. He is a really great guy. He has actually done alot for me since I have met him. This is so hard! WHat to do, what to do? Yeah well tonight was AWESOME in every way. I haven't felt this happy and excited in a long time. It felt really good to smile again, without having to force a smile for everybody. Well i'm tired so I guess i'll go to bed now. T2ULATERZ! FIN-E-TOE!!!! 2 comments|post comment

[22 Jan 2005|11:15pm] [ mood | excited ] yeah ok well now i'm at David's so i'll update when I get home. Hey Reeka I already told my boss that I need tomorrow night off so we can for sure hang out, k. LATERZ! post comment

[22 Jan 2005|12:46am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | OPM- Better Daze ] WOW today was a really fun day. I went to work this morning tired as FUCK but I made it. Then I came home went to the bank and then to go get something to eat. Came home relaxed a bit talked to David and then watched Charmed. I talked to Reeka for a while and we are suppose to hang out tomorrow, hopefully we do I really miss her a lot. I was laying down for a while cuz I wasn't feeling to good and then David called me back and wanted to hang out for a while. So I went and picked up David then we took care of some business we needed to tend to, then we picked up Jandi, Devra, and her friend and went to fun trackers and me and Jandi did the DDR game. It was so much fun but I was very tired after that. Then we took Devra and her friend to Cole Park for a while then took them home. After that me and Jandi took David home and chilled there for a while till it was time to come home. We come and as I was about to lay down my phone rang, it was Andreza asking if I could give her a ride home cuz she was at some party and wasn't feeling good at all. I went and picked her up and took her to a friends house. And now i'm home typing this. I know it doesn't sound like much fun, but I really did have really good time tonight. Oh yeah I finally got the balls together and kissed David. YAY for me, 2 point for Sonya. My confussion is still here. I haven't the slightest clue on what I am going to do. I know that sounds bad, but this is really actually kind of hard. And I really don't know whats going to happen. I just hope everything turns out for the best. Well that is pretty much it so I guess I better go and try to get some sleep cuz I got to go to work early in the morning. T2ULATERZ! FIN-E-TOE!!!! post comment

[21 Jan 2005|01:28am] [ mood | sad ] [ music | Flaw- Not Enough ] Ok well today went ok I guess, it so could of gone better though. It was all good until I had to go to work and even then after I got off of work it got better cuz I got to go see David. I am now more confused than ever, ok I know i've said that before but really I am so confused on what to do. I know I like Travis, well I think I do. I know I like David for a fact. The problem now is that David now knows about Travis which in a weird way was a good thing cuz I didn't want to hide it from him, but now that he knows it so changed everything. Travis and I barely have anything in common so its kind of strange in how I started to like him. At first (this is such a harsh word) he was just a rebound cuz he happened right after Roland, I didn't expect anything to really happen with us and diffenetly for him not to stick around considering our age gap of 8 years. Slowly but surly I started to actually like him. I don't see how though cuz we barly talk or hang out. I think it was just the fact that I didn't want to be alone after all the shit I went through with Roland, not to sure though. Then David popped in my life and out of nowhere I started to like him and I mean really like him alot. We don't have alot in common but we have a lot more than me and travis do. I know and I don't know what I want if that makes ne sense what so ever. Either way I decide I lose a great guy. Travis is really cool when we hang out and talk. I don't really know him that much though so I don't see what the big deal is about him. What I think it is about him is that he is the first guy that i ever though about liking after Roland and I think i'm just stuck on that idea. But with David I have a really great time every time i hang out with him. He makes me really happy. He makes me smile every time i see him. I get excited to see him and when I know i'm a gonna see him. He gives me the butterfly feeling when I see him and i stopped having that a long time ago. I really like him alot butI don't know whats going to happen now. In a different way but a good way he gives me the same feeling Roland use to give me. I feel safe, happy, excited and so much more when i'm with david. Most of all i know and feel he would NEVER do what Roland did to me. David gives me the one thing Roland NEVER gave me....respect! Thats the only thing I ever wanted. David gives that to me. He is absolutly great. I love the feeling david gives me and makes me feel when I am with him. He gives me that small ray of hope that I might find happiness. That I don't have to be scared that everybody is going to do what Roland did to me. This just makes things so much harder though. Regardless though i still like Travis for whatever the reason is. I just absolutly don't know what to do. I don't want to lose either of them but how do i keep them both???? If a chose travis david and I won't last as friends long. If a pick david travis and I most diffenetly will not even work at being friends. I don't really know what to do, but for once i'm going to let things happen on their own. I'm not going to force ne thing. If its ment fot me and david to be or for me and travis to be then it will be. I'm going to let life and time take its course. I just really hope it turns out for the better though. *David if you read this please know that i am sorry, so very sorry. I really do like you a lot so I don't wnat you to think that i didn't or don't. And please don't just stop talking to me all of a sudden. Please give it a lil bit of time to see what happens. I really don't wnat to loose you as a friend. Hope your doing better and hope to talk to you soon. post comment

[14 Jan 2005|01:40pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Flaw- My Letter ] I'm not suppose to LOVE you I'm not suppose to CARE I'm not suppose to LIVE my life WISHING you were there I'm not suppose to WONDER were you are or what you do Sorry I just couldn't HELP myself, I FELL in LOVE with you!   *If i'm not suppose to do any of these things then why do I?*   Missing you isn't the hardest part, BUT knowing that I had you breaks my HEART!   I love you so much, I've stayed up some nights crying for you, wishing you could be mine. I know we broke up, BUT we can do better, just give US one more chance because I love you and its killing me inside when were not together.   You don't deserve me, I know thats true, but I want you so bad, now what do I do?   AHH! IT'S ALL BULLSHIT GROW UP AND GET OVER IT! Is what everybody says, but nobody knows how hard we try, but its not the easiest thing to do. I don't know I was just having one of my depressing moods, but I'm all better now. Well I guess I'll talk to you folks LATERZ! post comment

[11 Jan 2005|12:04pm] [ mood | shocked ] [ music | The Used- It's Hard To Say ] OMG! There is a really GREAT chance that I might get promoted to manager. I'M SO EXCITED!!!! I will know for sure by the end of the month. Cool, huh? Ne ways I hung out with Jareth, Andreza and David again on Sunday. It was fun, I guess. I'm still having a bit of trouble believing that I am hanging out with Andreza. I guess she isn't that bad, I just can't seem to froget what she did regardless wether it was her fault or not or if she even knew the truth. AH! Oh well its done and over with so I guess I can give her a chance, so far she isn't so bad, she is actually kind of fun to hang out with. Did I just say that? LOL!!!! Nah she is alright. What is even a tad bit more weird is that I think I like David, but SHHHH! nobody must know. J/K!! But yeah I think i'm starting to like David, but the problem is I still like Travis and lately things have been going really good with him. I don't know I'm so confused, they are both really great people to hang out with. They are both so different from each other, but both have really great personalities. AHH I LIKE THEM BOTH! Hard part is I don't know which I like more. I've known David a little over a year, but haven't talked to him in about a year until recently. I've known Travis since September and we hit it off really great. What a decision! I guess i'll figure it out sooner or later.......HOPEFULLY.......I THINK! Oh yeah I forgot I saw Michael on Sunday too. He went into Subway, he be looking pretty nice, I LOVED his hair, it looked really good on him. Ne ways i'm a gonna go eat so I guess i'll talk to you folks LATERZ! FIN-E-TOE!!!! post comment

[05 Jan 2005|03:11pm] [ mood | indescribable ] [ music | Flaw- Not Enough ] Wow this past weekend was really FUN! Friday- Wasn't that exciting. I went to work and then I hung out with Jandi and Devra and a couple of their friends. it was alright I guess. After that me and Devra came home to my house and just chilled and fell asleep. Whoop D Doo! Saturday- I get this call from Chris (my neighbor) except it wasn't really him, it was David! I met David last year when I dated Journey, they were friends. Ne ways I hadn't heard or seen him in little over a year, so I thought it was really wierd when he called me. Ne ways he wanted to hang out that night but I was at work. We ended up meeting at Cole Park that night after I got off of work. He was with Jareth, Chris, Andreza, and here is the other really weird part he was the D.J. OMG I hadn't seen that boy in forever and a day. D.J. was one of Rolands friends that I talked to before I talked to Roland. Saturday was just one big crazy night. Yeah for those who know can ya'll believe I hung out with Andreza?¿ I couldn't believe it either! We ended up going to this abandoned church downtown and I was scared shitless. It was SCARY, but also very FUN! After that we went to a golf course that David wanted to go to and it was really pretty out their. The funny part about that was that I tripped on a wire that was on the ground and I fell to the floor and not even 2 seconds later Andreza trips over the same wire and falls on top of me. I don't know I guess its one of those things you have to be there so it can be funny. After that I took them home and went home myself. Sunday- I opened the store and they were all there all day with me until 5 pm. (Hey Reeka I saw Hank again!) Ne ways that night we hung out again. I went to stay the night at Sammanthas house. We went to the Island and to the beach. It was really fun! We actually got in the water. Well me, David and Andreza did. Ok well I only put my feet in, but DAMN that water was cold as Hell. Then we went to the hot tub and the Holiday Inn and oh did that feel ever so good. After a while Sam met up with us cuz she was still at work and it was all good! I know it doesn't sound like that much fun but it really was. What can I say I get entertained very easily. We have plans to do it again this weekend if I can get Saturday off. Hey Reeka maybe you can go with us if you want?! Ne way after everybody went home me and Sam went to the store to but something to drink. Oh wait did I mention that I got lost on the way to her house, well I did and it was funny to me. Ne way after the store we went to the beach and she almost got stuck in the sand and we were freakin out. Then she wasn't payin attention and she almost ran a red light except she stopped right in the middle of the intersection and the put it in reverse and went back to her line. I though that was funny. So yeah that was my weekend and I though it was really FUN! Oh yeah I saw Monique yesterday. I hadn't seen her ina really long tome either. I miss her A LOT!!!!! Well I guess i'll talk to you folks LATERZ! FIN-E-TOE!!!! I L<3K Travis! A LOT!!!! post comment

[25 Dec 2004|01:17pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | Usher- U got it bad ] MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!!!!!! OMG! It snowed, It was so PRETTY outside!   I miss you Reeka, I hope you have a Merry X Mas and Happy New Year and I can't wait to see you when you get back! Have a safe trip back on your way home! post comment

FOREVER [08 Dec 2004|04:08pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | OPM- Better Daze ] OMG! I didn't realize this place was still here. It has truly been forever and a day since i've been here. So how be everybody? I hope good! Me i'm actually doing great, couldn't be better. In even better news I FINALLY graduated!!!!! Its about DAMN time too! LOL! I'm still working at Subway and its not that bad ne more I guess, It could be worse. Um, well I just wanted to say Hi to everybody and see how eveybody was doing. So I guess i'll talk to you laterz! FIN-E-TOE!!!! 2 comments|post comment

[02 Oct 2004|02:02pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | Ramones- Beat on the Brat ] Well howdy everybody. Its been forever and a day since I last updated this thingy. Nothing to interesting has happened lately. I'm still working and going to school. I only need 2 and a half more credits and i'm done. YAY! I met this guy a few weeks ago and his name is Travis. He is pretty AWESOME! I actually like him a lot. Me and Roland....well what is there to say not much. We talk on occassion and I see him every once in a while. I won't lie I still miss the hell out of that guy, but its ok cuz I'm doing way better without him. In better news Suzzanne is about to have her baby ne day now. I'm so excited for her! Me and Erika hang out every chance we get to. I love that girl to death. I don't know what I would do without her. Ummm... well other than that nothing has really happened. So I guess thats it for now. Talk to you folks laterz. FIN-E-TOE!!!! post comment

Stole this from Monique! [05 Sep 2004|08:14pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Celine Dion- I Drove All Night... ] What's your name? Sonya Birthplace- CC, TX... what a shit hole Age- 17 Age you act- I know when to act my age n when not to . Current location- umm my house?? Eye color- Dark Brown Hair color- not sure ne more Right, lefty or ambidextrous? Right Zodiac sign? pices Height? I think 5'7 [DESCRIPTION] Your heritage/nationality- Hispanic. Your hair- short Your fears- being alone ,roahes, gettin my heart broken again ... :( Your perfect room- ???? [WHAT IS/ARE] Words you overuse- duh and whaterver Phrases you overuse- "WTF" Your first thought when you wake up-just 5 more minutes! Your greatest accomplishment- being thesame person i use to before i decided to change [THIS OR THAT] Pepsi or Coke- pepsi McDonald's or Burger Kings- Burger King. Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera- christina aguilera Chocolate or vanilla- Vanilla Adidas or Nike- adidas Black or white- Both , cuz thier pretty together Bills or Coins- BILLS Burgers or hot dogs- chicken Egypt or France- either 1 would work for me Rock or rap- Rock [DO YOU] Smoke- Occasionally. Depends on the people im with and what we smoke out of Cuss- not that much Sing well- i don't think so Sing in the shower- of course, if theres music n i know the song then im singing Talk to yourself a lot- once in awhile Believe in yourself- Sometimes , depends on what it is. Like taking these longass surveys? when im bored ya . Play an instrument? cello Want to go to college? Yes Want to get married? YES Want to have children? yes Think you're a health freak? Nope far from it ..* SHAKES FAT * Get along with your parents? sometimes Get along with your siblings? one of them! Think you're popular? far from it [IN THE PAST MONTHS HAVE YOU] Gone out of state- I did it June Drank alcohol- Yeap Smoke- nope Get high- nope Done any drugs- one Eaten an entire box of oreos- don't like them Been on stage- nope Gone skinny dipping- No Been dumped- dumped someone, but regret it! Dyed your hair- today Stolen anything- nope , un less u count Subway food as stealing lol [YOUR FRIENDS] Craziest- Suzzanne and Billy Loudest- Suzzanne, Monique and Erika Most shy- Vanessa Kindest- Devra and Erika Best personality- ALL OF THEM! Most ghetto- Devra Drama Queen- Billy The one you just want to strangle to death- Suzzanne Funniest- All OF THEM! Trustworthy- Erika,Suzzanne, Monique, Jandi Druggie- Roland and Billy [THE LAST] Last dream- it was good thats all I can say .... hehe Last nightmare- Aug. 10th was a nightmare Car ride- way home from work Last time you cried- last night Last movie seen- Kill Bill vol.2 Last movie rented- Kill Bill vol.2 Last book read- umm... Last word said- said Last curse word said- shit Last time you laughed- umm liek5 seconds ago Last phone call- 6:30 Last CD played- Breaking Benjamin Last song you listened to- Madonna- frozen Last annoyance- Roland Last IM- Last weird encounter- Umm i dunno ? Last person you yelled at- My boss ! Last time you wore a skirt- its been a while ? Last time you've been evil- today as usual Last time you fought with your parents- couple days ago Last time you wished upon a star- few weeks ago Played Truth or Dare- long time ago Spent quality time alone- never ! [RANDOMNESS] Are you talking to someone on AIM? nope Do you feel lonely? kinda Ever TP'd someone's house? nope How about egging someone's house? hell ya ... like old times with SOnya n the Game room peeps lol ( GOOD TIMES) Ever been so hungry you felt like you could eat the person next to you? yes LOL What do you think of George Bush? uhh groddy ? Any secret fetishes? belts, purses How many languages do you speak? 2 post comment

Highlights of my week: [05 Sep 2004|07:36pm] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | Christina Aguiler- Fighter ] Me and Roland are talking again and for the time being we decided to take a break for a while, not forever but for right now. I'm ok with that cuz I think I needed a break ne way. I have other things going for me right now that are more important that stressing out about me and Roland having a relationship. Thats pretty much it on the whole Roland topic. He is going to Austin this weekend so I won't see him for about a month. I just hope he comes back. Ne who.... Thursday: I got to work with Monique again and things went ok that day nothing no bad happened except that we were really behind on everything cuz we were to busy having fun and goofing off. At closing time we had a problem with the money and the register cuz Monique pushed some save button that wasn't suppose to be pushed so we had to call Al to tell us how to fix it. He wasn't to happy about that. Other than that I can't really remember if ne thing else to bad happened that day, BUT.... Friday: I worked with her again on Friday and that day was a DISASTER waiting to happen. Everything went so wrong. Lets see I guess i'll start from the beginning...things were going good at first, but then we burnt the bread, well some of it. We got busy and had nothing done cuz we thought we were going to be slow and decided to take our time on everything else. Ha, little did we know what was ahead of us the rest of the night. After the fact we were already like hella behind we still had to do a shit load of prep. Then I don't know what we were thinking but we decided to flood the store. Yes, you read correctly, we flooded the store. Monique was draining some stuff in the front sink and I was draining the water in the back and some how we stopped it up and water started shooting out of the ground. And boy did it get everywhere. It was unmopable! Scared of what Al was going to say or do we called him cuz we didn't know what to do. To our surprise he took it pretty good. No yelling was involved.....yet. Norma his wife came with him and we were more scared of her that we were of Al. She is a hardcore BITCH! Ne way it didn't go so bad. Later he saw a bag of chicken full of water and even though I did it Al and Norma blamed Monique (SORRY), ne who Al said that Monique had to go through training cuz she didn't know what she was doing. We laughed about it cuz its more funny when Al is mad. They left and we got things under control again and things were going fine. Then we had another flood, not as bad as the first one but it happened again. This time we didn't call Al and decided to clean it ourselves, That shit was gross! We were there until 12:30 cleaning it. Then we had to get rid of the tea cuz we couldn't throw it in the sink cuz we thought that it would leak again. We threw it outside and Monique spilled it all over her shoes. Then there was a roach and I hate roaches, so Monique threw a box over it and stomped it to death. YUCK! We didn't do alot of things that night that had to be done. Don't worry though cuz we heard about it the next day. Oh yeah I don't think and Monique are allowed to work together ne more. We also left the radio on and we forgot to turn off the soup warmers. OOPS! So we almost burned down the store. What a day! The only thing good about this was that Alonzo went to Subway, He is so DAMN PRETTY! I could look at him all day. Saturday: I didn't work with Monique. It was me and Vanessa and Al and Norma were on our asses all night. It suxed really bad. The highlight of that day was that Roland came by for a lil bit. Sunday: My hours got cut to 12-3 when they use to be 11-5. SUX! Sarah put in her 2 weeks notice and I think a lot of people are going to follow her. We are tired of Norma's shit. Nothing happened at all today so thats pretty much it. Hey Monique, I talked to Roland about that thing we were talking about the other night. He said yes no problem but the only thing is we have to be with him, not by ourselves. Just call me so we can make plans about it, K? But you better call cuz I really want to. Talk to you Laterz! I'm out...FIN-E-TOE!!! post comment

[31 Aug 2004|12:43am] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | Brittany Spears- Toxic ] WOW! That kiss was AMAZING! What a great way to end a day. That turned my frown upside down. LOL! Thanks Monique for being there and if it wasn't for you and jandi I would of never of gotten that kiss. My weekend went from GREAT to BAD to GOOD to WORSE and then to WONDERFUL! (Monique you know why its so wonderful right now) I'll tell you how it went tomorrow. Wish me luck! I'm out, LATERZ! FIN-E-TOE!!!! post comment

Power Of Love [26 Aug 2004|11:48pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | Stabbing Westward- What Do I Have To DO? ] Life is such a mess right now. I hate it! I hate feeling this way so much. One day i'll be fine and the next day i'll spend the whole day thinking about him and everything we had and it just kills me to know that I don't have him ne more. I don't know why I let it get to me so much? For some reason a part of me doesn't want to let go. I hate not talking to him, not being able to be with him nor see him. I hate not knowing where he is at or what he is doing. And as much as I try I can't force myself to hate him, I find myself still so very much in love with him. I sit here and think about all the horrible shit he put me through and yet I still can't hate him. ¿WHY? There are so many things racing through my mind that I can't even think straight ne more. I'm so lost and confused about everything. I wish that I could just go on with my life and be able to live and understand that it wasn't ment to be. But me and my stubborness doesn't see nor understand that. I know i'm just being hardheaded about all this but for some reason I just can't grasp the concept thats its over and there is nothing I can do about it. How can something going so great just turn all around just like that? So many plans, so many dreams, so much love just thrown away like it didn't mean a damn thing. I don't get it, and I don't guess I ever will. :/? I feel so empty, like a part of me is missing and I can't fill that empty space. GRR!!! I have no problem hating people, none what so ever, but him I can't even come close to hating and it really aggravates me that I can't. I have every right and reason to hate him, so why don't I? I have been handling this situation pretty good so far, but its night like these where I just brake down and feel so depressed and shit-e, and I just want it to go away so bad. I hate caring so much when he doesn't even care at all. No offense to the few good guys out there, but guys are such HEARTLESS ASSHOLES! AHH!!! Will it ever go away? I'm so sick and tired or worring about this shit, I really am! I'm not asking for much, I just want to be happy and loved the way I love back. But then again I guess thats what everybody wants in life and we all can't get what we want, obviously! FIN-E-TOE!!!!! post comment

What do I have to do [24 Aug 2004|03:08pm] [ mood | angry ] [ music | Stabbing Westward- What do I have to do ] You make it hard to breathe It's as if I'm suffocating And when you're next to me I can feel your heartbeat through my skin It makes me sad to think This could all be for nothing I wish there was a way For you to see inside of me I've never felt this way About anyone or anything Tell me What do I have to do to make you happy? What do I have to do to make you understand? What do I have to do to make you want me? And, if I can't make you want me What do I have to do? I know exactly what you're thinking But I swear this time I will not let you down I'm not as selfish as I used to be That was a part of me that never made me proud Right now I think I would try anything Anything at all to keep you satisfied God I hope you see what loving you would do to me All I want is one more chance, so tell me... What do I have to do to make you love me? post comment

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